MJ

Fuck.

2011-07-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm so fucking sick of being nice to people who don't deserve shit. Fuck all of you la chibai. Heartless sons of bitches. Heartless assholes. Every single fucking one of you are fucking assholes. Don't fucking complain why your life is shit. You DESERVE every single thing you got coming to you. Because you're a fucking asshole. So am I. I deserve Hell for what I did. And I accepted it. I accepted every single bad thing which happens to me. Guess what? I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

Life is a bitch.

2011-07-12T23:15:00.005+08:00

Hey...

If you had to commit suicide, what would your last words be?

The future is just old age and illness and pain... I must have peace and this is the only way.
Suicide note.
~~ James Whale, film director, d. May 29, 1957

Yes. I have long been suicidal. I have no say in being a suicidal bitch. Today is a bad day. So much anger. And no loaded gun. It's one of those days where you just want to shut the world out, fade out into the background and disappear. Be anywhere but here.

I feel like smoking and cutting myself. But I have already quit both habits. So what am I to do now? Tell me. How else can I relieve myself of pain and anguish? Will I ever feel real genuine happiness? Life sucks and is full of shit. And people, humans, make the world such an awful place to live in. I hate everybody. And I don't wanna give a shit about anyone. I don't want to be nice. I don't want to go to school. I just want to die. I want to die. I want to die! Can everyone just fuck off and leave me the fuck alone?

Nada Surf - Inside of Love

2011-07-08T22:49:00.002+08:00

<p>

Watching terrible tv

It kills all thoughts

Getting spacier than

An astronaut

Making out with people

I hardly know or like

I can't believe what I do

Late at night

I wanna know what it's like

On the inside of love

I'm standing at the gates

I see the beauty above

Only when we get to see

The aerial view

Will the patterns show

We'll know what to do

I know the last page so well

I can't read the first

So i just don't start

It's getting worse

[chorus]

I wanna know what it's like

On the inside of love

I'm standing at the gates

I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like

On the inside of love

I can't find my way in

I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love

Always under or above

I can't find my way in

I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love

Always under or above

Must be a different view

To be a me with a you

I wanna know what it's like

On the inside of love

I'm standing at the gates

I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like

On the inside of love

Of course i'll be alright

I just had a bad night

First!

2011-07-08T12:23:00.000+08:00

Hey all. My first post on my new blog. (Thanks Captain Obvious!) Lol. Anyway, yeah, I am sitting in the library wasting my time away. Pretending to be in school. Can't stay home. Of course they would know I skipped school. So I hang out in the school library. :/ Yeah I am a bad girl. And an even worse student.

It's not my fault school's such a bore. But it is my fault that I don't have close friends in school and none of my classmates forces me to go. I feel like the odd kid out in school. That's one of the main reason why I hate going to school. Okay, maybe I should make a list so it's easier for you to read. Instead of reading the whole chunk of passage/paragraph.

Reasons why I hate school:

I have no close friends in school, so no one forces me to come to class. And I feel so odd among the rest. I don't feel like I fit in. It really sucks.
I didn't choose this course. I was thrown here. Fuck that very much.
I didn't choose to go to a poly. I wanted to go to ITE Nursing.

That's it I guess? Lol. Yeah. I seriously genuinely despise school okay? I know it's my own education and blah blah blah whatever shit. But the school system sucks. Yeah! Another reason why I hate school. It's such a routine work. One day one module? Who the fuck came up with that?

Oh well... I do hope I get to graduate though. Cause my portfolio and CE points might cause me to retain another year. I DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ever want to step again in this school after I graduate. If I had my own say, I would've dropped out long ago! >:( Ugh! C'est la vie... I am planning to go home around 2pm? When the break time's over and I don't have to bump into anyone I know... Wow... I have no 'life'! Haha! Oh, who cares. It is my life. I can do whatever I want with it. :) Yes, I am very stubborn.

Okay, before you get bored reading any more. I just wanna say that it's not that I dislike any people in school. It's just I don't fit in... They're all so outspoken. And I just fade into the background. Even though that sometimes may be a good thing... But I can't deny I feel lonely... :(

God have mercy, let me graduate! Please! I will never ask for anything ever again. I promise you that! Pleaseeeeeeee. I'm desperate... Oh wait... How stupid of me. I still have to make the effort... BUMMER! Kk, you guys have a good Friday. And an awesome weekend. Take care!

Yours sincerely,

Maisarah Jeffrey